I wish I knew what was water weight and what wasn't. Saturday and Sunday I was 2.4. Then Monday morning I was 6.6. This morning I'm 2.5. No one gains and loses the same 4# is 48hrs. And regardless of the 33hrs I've "fasted", I couldn't have burnt off 14,000 calories to really lose them in the first place. While it makes me happy to see the scale back to where it was pre-gnocchi, psht. It's an illusion. Water weight is the biggest of them all.

I went grocery shopping yesterday after cleaning out the fridge, freezer, and pantry Sat/Sun. (I let my dad "shop" in my pantry so there is no more ramen or single serving cup noodles and rice around. Haha.) I really should show you my freezer. It's full of Kashi dinners and pizzas for me and my mom - gotta love a buy one get one sale. We have apples, pears, Life cereal, sf dark chocolate raspberry & sf dulce de leche puddings, salad, etc etc. And it's all stacked so neatly and nicely in alphabetical order. Gosh... Now I need to get some cardboard so I can do the pantry the same way.

Blah blah blah. I'll take pics of this crap one day. lol.  

Tags: weight

My car - Magdalene - is no more. I have to let her go. She was a perfect car and, sad as it'll seem, a really good friend. We drove everywhere. Oh, how many times did I get into her nice tweedy seats totally dexxed and we drove 100+ miles to no where? I loved you, my dearest Magdalene. You were amazing.

I went and did the releasing biz with the cops and was able to get all my stuff out of her. I was like, "Oh man... I need to get you out of here!" and then I saw the front of her - she'd been ran into a pole of some sort, he fender screwed w/ a blinker light missing, a bowing to the hood and cracked, the front right tire shredded and the back right totally flat. She was covered in pollen and I cried. I cried so fucking hard for my car - the plans I'd made to get her all fixed up and go on a road trip to PA and then onwards to Toronto, plans to go to school then get a job, to move out on my own, my only ticket to real freedom. I got all of my stuff out of her, and pushed the key into the ignition one last time. Thinking about it now makes me want to cry. I know that's totally emo of me but damn... I loved my car.

With all of the wrecker fees and accumulating charges being piled on it daily, I couldn't get her even if I wanted to - no money to fix her.

Then I went in and asked for my other keys and my keychains because they weren't with the car key. They didn't have them. If it was there, it'd be with the key in the car. And then I cried again. My Canada keychain - the only thing I bought and brought back with me to the States - is gone.

I don't know what to think about all of that except that it makes me really sad.

I keep saying I need to get back on the narrow with food and I don't. I'm lazy and I don't think. I haven't exercised in weeks. I eat over my limit (and have for the past 8 days) and it's all, "Well.. ummm... I'm not gaining???" but FUCK THAT. It's just stupid. There are no other emotive words to describe it other than pure stupidity. Sure, I've got the PBV whatevers but still. I had a goal of 19.2# this month and I won't make it unless I seriously kill over the next 20 days. I want to lose 10# per month. That's all. I can do that but I'm not. I'm making excuses. All that's on me. I know I can reach my goal for 11.09.08 but not this way.

I back into my old jeans and I think I look better now than I did. CRAZY, eh?

I'm drained.

Tags: emo, weight

I'm seriously killing kids' FPages, but alas... I'm not sure I care. Ha. Now... onto a bit of non-emo realization-of-sorts. (Basically put - a one side conversation where I have no clue what I'm trying to get at.)

( Onto that... )

But right... Ha.

I've lost 35# since Feb 19th. Not half bad really. Of course I didn't reach my March 31st/April 1st goal but I reached it 4/5 days later. And now that I'm chugging water like an aqua fiend (haha), it's just falling off me. I piss all the time but seeing as lost weight is flushed thru sweat and urine (and exhalation of CO2), I'm good.

I'VE JUST SEEN DOCTOR WHO, SERIES 4 - EP 1!!! Blinking brilliant! And awww... those little fat globule babies were so cute!!! I love the Dr and Donna soooooo much better than the Dr and Martha. Hell, I even like the dynamic as well as the Dr and Rose. David Tennant is the shit. The end.

Hmm ho... yeah...

Tags: psych, weight

Easter is my favorite holiday! I love easter.
Haha... my fam doesn't do any celebrations so I've slept all day. But I bought myself a lamb and a panda beanie baby named "Wonton". They're both awesome.

I'm just over 40hrs into the 48hrs and I'm like, "Man... fuck this..."
And not because I'm hungry but because I really want coffee. (Sorry charlies... I don't do black coffee.)
I may just eat and not eat tomorrow.
Down 3# since yesterday.
Not half bad, really.
4.4# to my march goal.

So you've heard it here and I've made the conscious decision to break @ 40 hrs. I have not failed. I'm just reeeeeeally thirsty. God I need coffee...

PS: Sleeping pills instead of food? YEAH. It works but you sleep all the time.  

Tags: hunger, update, weight