So I tried to get high off sleeping pills - diphehydramine HCI to be exact - and it ws just really stupid. I'm sure if I'd taken more I would have been wasted (I couldn't find out OL if it wsa weight-related like DXM or not) but blah. Everyone talks about hallucinations and seeing spiders and shit. Yeah, well, my vision got kind grainy in the corner of my desk and I was like, "OH SHIT! A spider!" but then I was laughing because, HAHA! There's no spider. As soon as I vocalized that, that shit began to wear off. I'm pissed, tho. I wanted to see shit! This just proves my theory that I'm way too smart to see shit for real. I think the worse thing was that I got a funky stomach ache and even tho I was dead tired, I couldn't sleep. Stuuuuuuuuuupiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiid...

Tags: drug

Ok, FUCK THIS. I don't feel good doing this "normal" thing. I don't mean mentally but physically. I'm so nauseous right now. I'm sleepy and blah and I really want to go throw up because my stomach is upside down and my head is throbbing.  God, no wonder my "normal" periods were always so miserable. It's back to MY normal in the morning. Fuck a plateau. I'd rather be stagnant than feel like shit. All this food has given me a migraine from hell.

*insert 45 minutes elapsing for a hella long, ridiculously thorough shower*

I think I'd rather be fucked up than "normal". I understand and get fucked up-ness. I can make sense of all the "bad" emotions in life more than the "good" ones. Right now I'm just in the middle of everything. I'm in the grey zone people like to pretend doesn't exist. Maybe that will mean I don't exist while I'm stuck in the Land of Nothing. I'm pretty okay with that at the moment.

St. P's tomorrow and I'm supposed to go out with friends. I wouldn't mind it so much if I had some cash to blow on dex, but I'll be sober as hell. (I don't really drink anymore. Hell, I don't really want to drink.) I'm sure weed will be available but blah. That just makes me paranoid and stupid. I don't like going out and being sociable without my magic personality pills.

Have you ever been really clean but still felt like you weren't? That's not some metaphor for a dirty soul or anything. I just don't feel clean.

My heart went all retarded in the shower, beating out of my chest and it was just hard to breathe. I have no idea if it was because I was because I was singing under hot water and working diligently with my body scrub brush or whatever else. Maybe I'm dying... Hmmm...

I sound so apathetically depressed. Blah. Whatever...

Tags: drug, update

bri --

[noun]: A person who is constantly high

nico --

[noun]: A person of questionable sanity who starts their own cult

I think I seriously like these... HA.

Tags: drug, meme

I'm tweaked out because I decided to dex on something I shouldn't have and a girl I know said she was gonna send me Mary J lollies and BE DAMNED if Paris Hilton didn't just pop up on my winamp. Yes baby... The stars are blind.

I have to show up at my shiny new McD's job in less than 2hrs and I still feel crosseyed and retarded. It's stupid. I don't even know why I'm tripping over it. I can work McD's like Kat Williams can surely work some hos. Boy oh boy... I wonder what my background check said???

I'm a karmic mess of old air and ignorancy. And when you want to get some air, don't take huge breathe. Makes you HIGH. FUCK!

Tags: drug