You know you're a super loser when you've played FreeCell a hundred times in under 2 months... for the first time... with an 81% accuracy... and you've kept up with your score. :X

COME ON!!!!!!!!! MAY, homey, hurry up and get here. Srsly. I'm tired of looking @ my April spreadsheet. It's really gay. Jesus... No amount of pretty colors will change the pure evil that this month turned into. What has it been? Really? I'll break it down for you.

( the gayness )

I had the most fucked up dream the other night. Before I go on, if you don't know the history of Ben, this will be a bit tricky but still, fucked up. More or less, I fell in love with Ben way back in 03/04, he played me, disappeared, then stalked me for a bit. The sad thing is that I think he was actually into me but had a raging coke/crack addiction and now, I have a sort of fear of ever meeting him out somewhere. (But damn, he was a damn good lay.)  Onto the dream.

I don't remember who's apartment I was in, but I was in "my room" and Ben was there. He was being all smiley and flirtatious and I kept thinking, "How'd he get here?" I kept seeing people kind of float in and out of the room we were in, people I'd had sex with and his ex-gf/fiance/fuck ever, Andrea. Well, it turns out we'd had sex again but I didn't remember it. I walked into the bathroom and lifted my shirt and I was covered in bite marks and bruises. (Note: I was a actually pretty slim, too.) I'm a bit freaked out by it, but I keep thinking, "Man... he's here.... for me. How awesome." Then I walk to the living room and my mom says something about being careful him being a murderer and I see that she's been slashed in her stomach.

 I go back to my room and he's standing over me and asks, "Did you really think I cared about you?" I kinda sputter a "no" and he's all, "Because I didn't." Then a huge silver cleaver is gleaming in his hands and he makes a slash and cuts into my left wrist. (Note II: I was really deep into cutting when I met Ben and, oddly enough, he was really into them.) I grab the knife and try to cut him all while I'm not-so-secretly trying to dial 911 so that they can hear what's going on. I look down at my phone and it says 711. I retry but it won't work; it's now 211. He comes over and is all, "Whatcha doing?" And I was like, "Oh, I'm really digging the theme you put on my phone." And he points at something and says, "Yeah... it makes it impossible to dial 9."

During the knife part, Andrea comes back into the room and their doing the classic "we're really lovers and you just got pwned!" thing. Soon, some police people show up and they kill someone and it's really a robot. Ben kinda is still standing there and all I kept thinking was that I should slit his throat and this would be over.

I have NO IDEA why I dreamed this but it's stuck in my head for a while. I even searched FB and MS to see if I could find him. Hmm...

I went to church Sunday night and all I could think was, "Man... I'd bang that preacher guy." He was very Frank Lengella-ish. I dug the orange shirt. Haha... I told my cousin and she's all, "GOD, we haven't said something like that since we were teens!" and I'm all, "YEAH! That's why I said I felt 16 again." But I had to sing that stupid song again. OMG. I love it and I do really well and it speaks to people but jesus... let me get another one. Oh yeah... Preacher guy... he really liked how I sounded. LMAO. That's so wrong.

I'm stuck between wanting to count carbs and wanting to eat nothing. But, as you know, low-carbing means high fats and cals and I'm afraid that watching them will inevitably mean I eat more and if I do watch my calories, I won't lose because you need cals to lose with low-carbing. FUCK ME. I don't know. I think I just need to quit fucking eating all together.

Tags: dream, update

hot

I had some weirdo "final" dream of Jared Leto in the supermarket, watching a quiz game that I was in. He needed Draino or some shit and was in a wheelchair and with no lower legs but it was just for shits and giggles. I pushed him around, we talked, he put his head on my upper chest and I learned he loved kitties. That was awesome as fuck.

But first I dreamed of Tim Rozon going to a mental hospital and there was some strange religious chick who I think was like an incarnation of Mary and was young but old and died and had a coin saying "Tanganyika" and I was like "OH SNAP! THAT'S OLD AS HELL! THAT'S TANZANIA!!!"

None of this before my bro being arrested for murder in Thailand that was based around his IP adress and it I crack the code that someone was hacking into his IP and it wasn't him.

I have awesome dreams.

EDIT: [your scene sucks].com :: total win & hurrah - I'm not a scenester! (but I am kinda old-school emo)

Tags: dream, pic

I had a dream I was in rehab with Scott Baio and Dr. Drew was our doctor.

All these chicks wanted to bang Mr Baio and one girl carved an "S" into her upper forearm and Dr Drew was all like, "That's not healthy." And she's all like, "Oh... it's for my daughter." He's like, "O RLY... What's her name?" And she's like, "Star. It's for her." Then I asked to go out to my car to get a coloring book (Dr Drew was all like, "That's cool. We don't worry about the girls much,") and it turns out the rehab place is a chinese resto and I steal a wonton with broccoli cheese rice in the middle and the asian ppl are flipping out. But just prior, Scott was getting into a fight over a poker game and I was telling the girls, "Yeah... I've been into him since I was three!" (Which is so true. :X) That was an awesome ass dream but I remember being up on a bed and I was really short and scene-kid like. BLAH. & I never got to my goal of banging Scott Baio.

OH YEAH... I lost three lbs! Hahaha... That amuses me because I was so up to 1600 yesterday and didn't exercise at all. God... I may reach my March goal after all.

PS: Peep game on the new comm me and my homey co-own...

Tags: dream, lulz