fuck you. love, nico

FML - Burned

Mon, 07 Dec 2009 03:31:27 GMT

Quick little somethin'-somethin': B was able to procure a laptop from her dad around Thanksgiving and with some effort on her part getting the proper drivers for Windows (as she was dual booting with Ubuntu), I'm back online. Woot!

Ahh, MacBook Pro dreams are on hold as I've decided I DO NOT want to be the owner of a super shiny $1300 toy in my current neighborhood. Plus, I'd rather put that money to good use for me by moving the fuck out of Crackhead Park and to the swank, gay friendly, "OMFG JEWS/SYNOGOGUE!" 5 Points/Southside area. (I swear - let me have an actual shower, water paid for apt with a possible dishwasher while being around some good ol' homos and Jewish ppl and shit would be SO CASH. I'd have a moment.)

Here's the deal - I need some of you ppl out in LJ land to hook me up with your email so I can send you an invite to DailyBurn. All you have to do is sign up with the link I send and if I get three, I get a month of Pro free. Don't use the fucker if you don't want - just help a sista out.

I'm thinking of dropping $160 on a WiFi Withings scale. (http://www.withings.com/en/bodyscale/design) That fucker is SEXY. I don't know how I'll be able to hide such a purchase but it's so hot. And dammit, I need a scale! Mmm... It'll auto-update my iPhone app and DB acct. My dieting world would be complete. Mmmmm...

I just spent WAY TOO LONG making a google spreadsheet that listed weights and BMI's according to goal/weight classification/HWs/CWs/etc. Some ED habits will never die. o.O

BATH TIEM.

SUPER BUENO!

Sat, 28 Nov 2009 21:00:27 GMT

Random bullshit I use an expensive piece of cellular technology for/tweets:

23:31 is now a Puzzle Genius, scoring 8141870 points in Bust-A-Move for iPhone.
Just try to beat this score! bit.ly/1FQ7wX #

Brisus needs a life. Love,
LoudTwitter

SUPER BUENO!

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 21:01:14 GMT

Random bullshit I use an expensive piece of cellular technology for/tweets:

21:57 I'm worried that my girlfriend has finally lost her mind for real. :'( #

Brisus needs a life. Love,
LoudTwitter

SUPER BUENO!

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 21:01:57 GMT

Random bullshit I use an expensive piece of cellular technology for/tweets:

13:04 I hate my FB livefeed. The people are fucking shallow. I thought my friends were better than that. That aggravates me insanely. WTF ppl. #

Brisus needs a life. Love,
LoudTwitter

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 06:25:12 GMT

I'm terrified. B's ex brother in law knows where she's working now, stalked her job a couple of times. He's hurt her before. He can kill her.

I can't lose her - she's my entire world.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

SUPER BUENO!

Sun, 22 Nov 2009 21:01:00 GMT

Random bullshit I use an expensive piece of cellular technology for/tweets:

23:00 My food stuff for the past three days hasn't been that great, but it could be worse. The date and Friday were amazing. Cried -HARD- @ ITDOR. #
10:10 Slightly apprehensive abt weighing @ my mom's. Period water weight + PF Chang's may prove disastrous. #
10:13 Bought my first ever pay app last night: Taito's Bust-a-Move (!!!). OMG!SuperFun. #

Brisus needs a life. Love,
LoudTwitter

Whinge? I think not.

Thu, 19 Nov 2009 14:53:32 GMT

I will forever and always get tripped up when someone who is well under the 250 mark, probably 225 +/-, and maybe under 200 gives out a waist size that is greater than my own. I've been tweaked out over that for a while, actually. I was just reading about a girl being 185-200, 5'8, and her waist was nearly 42". My waist is 39". Even if I'm 6" taller, I weigh a LOT more than 185. Either way, I suppose. I'll always feel like the biggest person in a room.

I think I dreamt that I was 5' wide and jiggly. :-/

I'm down 5# - 66# from my all time HW, 25# from my '09 HW. 95# to go. FUCK. When I hit the -51# (from 09HW), -82# (1/2 of total goal), -152# marks (less than 50# to go), I'll be happier. 26/16/86# to go respectively. I have to keep looking at the smaller numbers as they seem much more obtainable than looking at a big, scary 161. That seems impossible. 14# and I'll be back to my Canada weight (2006). Man, I just want back in my Canada jeans! I'm not saying I'll wear them, but I want to be able to slide into then once again. They're cute tho, and I looked banging.

Been walking around Southside this morning for about thirty. Feels lovely in this cold especially since the sun is still buning hot. I've really gotten into this mindset that I want to exercise.

I have a date tonight with Bex. Eep! ^_^

Work at 11 til 4. Not a bad shift really. I'm tempted to go in early, tho. I was supposed to be in at 8 until they called me. Meh. I'm bored. Maybe I'll go putter around the bookstore or something.

I think when I get my FinAid I'm going to buy a rename token. I'm thinking of having the name 'hmmpbr'. I like it and it seems almost kind of cool. LOL. It has meaning to it and it's easier to type than menthe_no9. I'm stilly minty fresh to death.

Fuck my life I can't wait to get my MacBook!!! 13" of pure magic. <3

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

SUPER BUENO!

Sun, 15 Nov 2009 21:02:19 GMT

Random bullshit I use an expensive piece of cellular technology for/tweets:

12:25 Joined the Lose 100 pounds! challenge tinyurl.com/ylj9yz7 #

Brisus needs a life. Love,
LoudTwitter

Recovery from Hell

Sun, 15 Nov 2009 20:24:01 GMT

Started a little weightloss challenge on DailyBurn to lose 100#. While my initial goal was 100 from when I started at my HW this year, I think I want to start from where I was at my 25th birthday (Monday). That would mean, after all is said and done, I'd be 161.1# lighter than I was 9.23.03 - the day my ED stuff became a demon that I couldn't fight anymore; a day my mind fragmented just a little bit more.

Your progress for this challenge:

(blank bar image my lj.app decided to fuck off over)

Still 100 lbs. to go. Step it up!

I've kind of gotten into the habit of using DailyBurn. Those blinking bars telling me about my intake of fat and calories and protein and carbs make me -want- to reach my goals. What annoys me the most, however, is that DB decided my goals for me. They don't seem right to me for some reason.

Recommended Nutrition Goals:
- between 2185 - 2435 calories.
- between 184 - 277 grams carbs.
- between 141 - 242 grams protein.
- between 44 - 77 grams fat.

Fat I've conquered. Carbs I'm conquerring. Their calorie intake seems way too high. I've been trying to stay under 1800 while getting at least 1200. Protein is a BITCH. Maybe it's because I'm not a big carnivore. I had ~58g yesterday. That's GREAT for me. I normally font even get that much. I'd rather do 50g fat, 60g protein, and the rest in carbs (abt 278). Meh. I don't like not reaching my goals.

I'm trying to 'recover' from all of my years dealing with binging, purging, laxitive abuse, heavy restricting, fasting, and self-hatred. I've been able to kick drugs for exactly 9mo today. I've all but kept myself from any serious self-mutilation. I want my body to be right too. 11 years+ is not my idea of fun.

So yeah... For a bit over a week I could pass a good bowel movement. I swelled up. I felt horrible. I gained 5# of SHIT. Finally, today, I could go. I feel so relieved.

I know I have shit to say but this gets tedious on my phone. Eep.

xxx

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

SUPER BUENO!

Sat, 14 Nov 2009 21:02:20 GMT

Random bullshit I use an expensive piece of cellular technology for/tweets:

12:09 I just got 33 years old in What's My Real Age? for #iPhone. bit.ly/90Sp3 #

Brisus needs a life. Love,
LoudTwitter

SUPER BUENO!

Fri, 13 Nov 2009 21:02:50 GMT

Random bullshit I use an expensive piece of cellular technology for/tweets:

20:12 I'm so angry at myself for being unable to control my binge eating. Fuck you, Bri. Learn some self-control you worthless cow. #

Brisus needs a life. Love,
LoudTwitter

SUPER BUENO!

Wed, 11 Nov 2009 21:02:18 GMT

Random bullshit I use an expensive piece of cellular technology for/tweets:

09:25 Birthday was nice. Hit me hardcore that people I've known < a year are there for me more than old friends. New life, new crew I suppose. #

Brisus needs a life. Love,
LoudTwitter

SUPER BUENO!

Sun, 08 Nov 2009 21:00:12 GMT

Random bullshit I use an expensive piece of cellular technology for/tweets:

22:19 For the time being, this is my main mode of communication. That's one hell of a bitch. Fuck. #

Brisus needs a life. Love,
LoudTwitter

Facebook Update

Sun, 08 Nov 2009 14:29:42 GMT

A simple update using the notes feature. I'm sure I'd shoot myself without this iPhone. It's damn handy.

On the third, B and I were broken into. Save for a mess of stuff being overturned and all that goodness, no one was hurt. They did manage to steal three laptops tho. Mine didn't work and one was rather old but I feel bad for B as hers held all of her mega bible stuff from the past five years. It was like being mentally raped, our home and privacy violated as it was. It's sad that the only window without bars caused us this hardship.

Monday I will be twenty five!!! Taj India is still going down so be sure to check the events page. It'll start around 7pm and last until they close. It's ok if you can't make it. It's rather informal. I just wanted my ppl together.

Pray for my friend Diane. DHR and the cops got involved with her and her girlfriend over her girl's son, Jake, and no one knows anything concrete.

I'm returning to school in January! Anthropology degree ahoy. FinAid taken care of as of tomorrow. My loan will go toward my MacBook, books, and a sofa. The rest is bills and engagement rings. My excitement is sobered by the burglary but nonetheless, I'm still anxious.

B and I will Be together a year in February. Damn time flies.

Show me love ppls.

x, B

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

SUPER BUENO!

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 21:00:03 GMT

Random bullshit I use an expensive piece of cellular technology for/tweets:

21:44 Me and B had a talk about our rut. I wonder if all the talking helps. #

Brisus needs a life. Love,
LoudTwitter

SUPER BUENO!

Thu, 05 Nov 2009 21:00:04 GMT

Random bullshit I use an expensive piece of cellular technology for/tweets:

19:27 House broken into yesterday afternoon. 3 laptops stolen. #
12:15 The only thing I'm not sad abt losing is all of the pictures of B's ex that was on her laptop. Does that thought make a bad person? #

Brisus needs a life. Love,
LoudTwitter

SUPER BUENO!

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 21:02:13 GMT

Random bullshit I use an expensive piece of cellular technology for/tweets:

17:52 I'm about to be 25. WTF. Oy I'm old. I still feel like a kid or something. Eep. #
22:37 Should I be feeling weird abt B talking to her exwife? I know someone's feeling ice in the stomach. I don't know what Bri feels. Fuck it. #
13:24 So yeah. Masturbation. #

Brisus needs a life. Love,
LoudTwitter

SUPER BUENO!

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 21:01:32 GMT

Random bullshit I use an expensive piece of cellular technology for/tweets:

13:44 Losing 7# in 10 days and getting one sexy, banging haircut makes the world feel right and me feel like god. #

Brisus needs a life. Love,
LoudTwitter

Shine an Apple for My Desk

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 15:53:43 GMT

Just a bit of something before I try to sleep off the next three hours before work @ 2. I'm a lazy bitch, sure, but dammit if waking up @ 630 to take B to work after bed @ 1230 doesn't drain me. Gotta catch up somehow. When college starts in January, I'm so fucked.

Speaking of, I'M GOING BACK TO SCHOOL! After 8 long motherfucking months, I'm finally getting back into school. I never thought I'd miss it but I do. My FinAid is in order so I'll be having one SWEET ASS check come late January. (~$2500) Oy... but now it seems as if I'm going to have to go to the Shelby Campus for school instead of the usual Jefferson one I'm used to. It's not so bad - SC is newer and almost kind of better than JC and it's closer but it's more like I'm being forced into it rather that it happening by my own choice. Either way...

I'm only doing part time and I've gotten it down as to what I'm taking:

ANT 200 --- Introduction to Anthropology - 30475 - MW 9:30am 10:45am - SCGSB 215
ENG 246 --- Creative Writing - 32377- MW 12:30pm 1:45pm - SCGSB 30

Seeing that makes me fucking JOYOUS. AND I'm finally taking a class for my major (Anthropology) and the creative writing class I wanted. Aside from the fact that I'm nearly out of electives and made to take only cores from now on, I think I can stick these ones out and make huge A's. My GPA will love me for it. Then when B finally gets in school, I can take Math 100 again and erase that stupid fucking F I got in Summer 08 and my GPA will be MAGIC. (One damn C tho. Makes me sad.)

I'm sad tho... B's going to have to go thru all types of hell trying to get her transcripts, ACT scores (if it turns out her home schooling program wasn't accredited), and then all the drama with her being Andrew/Andreas in school but now Rebecca. (It's a story I'll tell later.) I want her in school with me so badly!!!

I have to talk to Lisa about seeing what I have to do to get on the fast track of being an Associate Trainer. I'll be damned if I get stuck in this job like my last ones!

I think I have IBS. I prefer the term "spastic colon" because, honestly, my entire body is a spaz. Damn... I haven't used the word "spaz" since 8th grade.

More later perhaps. Or I'll just twitter retarded. DEGRASSI!!!

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 09:02:42 GMT

13:43 I'm now @fuckyoulovenico. (I doubt that works.) #

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

SUPER BUENO!

Sun, 01 Nov 2009 21:01:29 GMT

Random bullshit I use an expensive piece of cellular technology for/tweets:

13:41 I have an iPhone. I have Twitterrific. Why aren't I at least updating LJ with daily bullshit? #
14:15 Why do I think that social tweet won't work? #

Brisus needs a life. Love,
LoudTwitter

I'm becoming a macfag and eating some stuff...

Mon, 26 Oct 2009 16:04:04 GMT

I got my first ever handy dandy laptop back in March of 2007. It was handy and it was pretty damn dandy. I could take it anywhere and it was just kind of magic, having always had desktops yet always wanting to be mobile. I got, at the time, one sweet ass Gateway running with a gig of RAM (LOL worthy today) and 80GB HD and Vista and some other stuff - blah blah blah. I was in heaven until, for some reason, the blasted battery told me to fuck off. It died. But I am lucky and resourceful at times. I'd also gotten a laptop for my mother of the same variety. Well, soon *my* laptop's DC-jack pin thing said fuck you as well. It came off of the motherboard and wouldn't charge. I commandeered my mother's laptop (that she didn't use once yet had a cracked screen). Finally, in the beginning of 2009, having dropped the laptop and deadpixeling out the screen, I set myself up to get her screen fixed AND get my DC-jack fixed on my laptop.

The screen was $300. (The computer was only $600.) My motherboard had to be replaced for $350 (on an $850 machine). I got my mother's fixed and let mine stay "dead". "Later," I told myself.

Well, the same fate of my laptop both with the battery and the DC-jack befell my mother's laptop randomly. I haven't been able to use it for nearly two months, using my girlfriend's Toshiba that, bless it's heart, overheats very easily while the heatsink burns the FUCK out of my left knee.

Having gotten an iPhone in mid-August of this year (right after my computer died), I thought to get a Mac. I saw one of my LJ ppl going on about the bitchmade-ness that's been going on with her Mac and it kind of scared me. But, I've come to the conclusion that, in the long run, having gone thru two PC's and two laptops since 2000, I think it might be time for my normally tech-savvy self to give up Microsoft and go with Apple. If I think about it, the average lifespan for a Windows machine is ~5 years. I *should* have been good for at least 20 years or some shit but fuck that... I've not even gotten 10. (My last PC lasted for just around 3 years, 1 and a bit in proper working order.) When I get my next student loan in January, I plan to march into the Apple store at The Summit and procure a spiffy little MacBook and pray like hell that it doesn't tell me to fuck off in a couple of years.

I *will* be buying an extended warranty, if I can. (Tho the price tag on all things Apple - including the extended warranty - is RIDONKULOUS. Oh, the price of a monopoly!)

In other news, AT&T is threatening to cut us off from the internet. Nevermind the fact that our service in The Hood is GOD AWFUL and I'm usually calling them up @ all hours just to see if I can get my DSL back online - fuck that. They're getting pissy about me having to split my payments up because, you know, I run out of money sometimes. Yes, yes, I know. I should ALWAYS pay my bill ON TIME and IN FULL but shit... This is the one time I'm SO not overly anxious about missing a bill payment. Seriously - if I could (and I canNOT), I'd give up this bastard AT&T crap and find something better. The only quarter redeeming factor about it all is the modem - it's automatically a WiFi "hot spot". I do dig not being tethered to something.

You know - I REALLY HATE LIVING IN THE GHETTO. They hire the worst people to mow the complex's grass. I'm waiting for all of my still real glass windows to break. FUCK.

I'm having some sort of mini-war with myself over all the ED crap I've been dealing with over the years. It's not even a matter of reflection or what have you. I'm warring over the demon that says, "Fuck it - STARVE, BINGE, PURGE!!! LOSE TONS OF WEIGHT NOOOOOOW!!!" and the now stronger, smarter side that says, "Bri - a diet is OKAY. You just gotta be sensible, logical, near-enlightened about it. OHM." Of course, there's the other demon telling me, "Fuck it - you're fat and will always be fat. Why bother? Just continue being apathetic. FEED ME!!! GIVE ME 3k CALORIES IN COOKIES NOOOOOOW!!!" Who in their right fucking mind has two demons on their shoulders? And some yogi being all Hindu-tastic about being "enlightened"? I swear that's a devil in angels clothing because that's a slippery slope to either side. I'm trying to be healthier now. I just wish I wasn't so non-commital about it.

I will NEVER enjoy the "rearranging" my body does from time to time, the one that builds up an illusion that I'm losing tons of weight when the numbers are telling me I haven't done shit while my diet is so piss poor, it needs gov't assistance. "OMG Bri, you've lost sooooo much weight! WOW!!!" Umm, no I haven't. Really. I'm still a loser who's huge and scarfing down cookies from time to time while drinking full sugar soda. FML. Oh, and in case you didn't hear, I have some weirdo hormone shit going down where I make too many boy hormones or some shit. Guess what? Androgens can make your body fat move or something just like estrogen gives transwomen a more womanly shape.

I've gone manic with Windows Calendar. It may not be a spreadsheet but I've definitely "calendar-ized" the fuck out of my life. I should really make a budget in Excel so that B and I can start saving a little something each month. I mean FUCK - I want a couch!!!

I should upload 50 icons now. And you're welcome. I know I've been ass raping you ppl's F-page so I'e decided to use cuts from now on. Cuts back on the hxc scrolling and I don't have to stop being one verbose son of a bitch. <3

I talk so all the time. So...

Tue, 20 Oct 2009 07:08:25 GMT

I gotta say it: I'm sorry for writing epic poems about bullshit. I really have nothing good to say any more.

Thinking back to this time last year, I can say I have no idea what the fuck I was doing. Reading the LJ entry closest to today, I was getting ready to pack my shit and head to Montgomery to visit GK for the first time. Oh, that was such a mindfuck. To think I was about to meet Bex in the physical realm/IRL for the first time in 10/11 days this time last year. Well fuck...

This evening has been one where I've just wanted to go to Wal-Mart and end up shit faced on high priced cough medicine. Nearly 9 months and I'm still bargaining with myself for the fuck of it. Who the hell knows? It doesn't makes sense to me. I swear the only thing keeping me from finding a way is knowing that B would leave me until I was able to sober up again. The idea that such a thing - her leaving me - is possible for her for whatever reason guts me. I know she says she couldn't take it and would have to wait for me to "get better" but shit... FUCK. BAH - I won't fucking do it anyway. I'll be sparkly, sober ~*Bri*~ because slipping up for whatever reason would only make Becca go away. Shit, I could cry about that right now.

I know that I've only been @ Panera for going on 7 months now but I really want to start expediting the processes that would allow me to become an associate trainer and get a raise. If I was making 25-50c more an hour, sure - cut me back to 4 days. Cool. As it is, I'm either gonna be working my balls off or just feeling completely disenchanted with work all together. Brianna will be leaving at the end of the month (heifer is getting married/turning 18!) and it's just kind of mind fucking. I don't really have people to chill with as it is and now the only real ally I have and the one person I can bitch about shit is leaving. FML.

Girl FINALLY got transferred to a better store and will fully begin there on Wednesday with Monday night/this morning being her last night to EVER have to drive to 119 and deal with Hickville fuckers. Yeah, yeah, yeah... I'm happy she's not going to have to worry about her ex-in-laws or all of those fuckers who call her "he" but I'm happier that the money coming into the house will balance itself out some. For the past 5 months, I've been the one who's been paying all the bills and such so its nice to finally have a moment to breathe, plan, and recalculate the budget. Perhaps by Xmas we can actually own a sofa and something to house our huge mound of clothes in. I like the idea of not having to piss myself every first of the month wondering how in the HELL we're planning on paying the rent and car note. ($535 of a $537 check.) Maybe our credit will actually start improving. Maybe I can start to put her notion of us moving to Toronto into action and shit will get rolling.

This just in... Chick has an interview tomorrow. I will fill people in later. Something about life insurrance and being a manager? Sure!

Oy - I'll write more shit when I think of it.

I'll be 25 in 20 days. FML.

I wish I knew what screw was giving me elctric shock therapy.

Fri, 16 Oct 2009 07:59:03 GMT

It's 121am.
I'm awake.
I have to drive B to work @ 615.
I have work @ 2.
I'm going to be fucked.
Insomnia is my bitch.

I randomly chose to look at my first "real" LJ on here and I saw where Mouse came into [true] being. The sad, skittish little thing; the one who isn't so little and hates me for it. All of the talk of food and calories that filled that journal... I see Mahree in it too but Mouse is definitely a front runner. I don't think Mahree finally "took hold" until a bit later, once I stopped fighting whatever it was I was trying to hard to fight. Poor girl - she's so hell bent on destruction. I wish I could help them both in the ways that I'm able to help Honey or how Plat helps me.

God, I fear fragmenting further. I know Mahree is the one that aids in such productions. It's definitely confusing at times, these things. Mahree has aided in the building of "Nico". She is the one who likes to run the show whenever Nico Clarke exists. At times, she is so different, so foreign that I'm forced to wonder if it's really Mahree at all. Because, you see, Mahree is only a child. I know she's smart. I know she's got a fire to her that I don't think even I have but she's young. How can she be Nico? That doesn't seem plausible.

I fear sounding like some daft multiplicity player more than anything. Having asknowledged how fucked up I am, the voices have become quieter while the memory lapses have become stranger. They aren't huge. I don't blink out at home and wake up at work. It's not some bullshit Sybil model of how things are supposed to be presented. It wasn't until very recently that I even had names for it all but I've had my voices for a while. Some have been here longer than others.

It's strange, really, because Bex is diagnosed as having Dissociative Identity Disorder. Her cousin and his fiance both are diagnosed as such. My experiences, my stories are nothing like theirs. I'm not saying I have DID and if push came down to war, I could never identify as such because they live a Lifetime movie of the week. I'm just someone who has people in her head that sometimes makes it hard for me to remember stuff. It really doesn't help that I'm forever faced with the idea that everything is comeplete fiction, that I've made everything up. These people aren't real. I've just given arbitrary names to ghosts. What happens in my life - none of it is real. Everything around me is an illusion.

People talk about dissociation, about slipping in and out, but I forever feel like I am a step back from myself. Sometimes the feeling is stronger and everything around me feels like a hazy dream and I'm talking but it's not really me talking but someone else. I used to depersonlize all through high school but that changed when I found out about the magic that was within drugs. I was high rather than "not myself" so who knows what happened then?

I think being so aware of what's happening in my head has caused me to shut down in some ways. If I space out, it's not just spacing out. I'm constantly being bombarded with the thought that oh god, I'm doing it again. Being Honey or Mahree or Plat isn't now how it was. I make the mental note that I'm being "different" so that, for whatever reason, I'll remember it [even if I don't]. "Going away" for a while is no longer an option and I feel raw and stripped clean of the one thing I could rely on for comfort.

I received my free copy of this lame little book I found on facebook called "STOP PRAYING" about a week ago. I read it. I did th fill in the blank stuff it asked of me. The whole thing was geared toward 30-something career folk with a 9-5, house, spouse, kids, and money. I get what it was saying but what it said I just had to do, I know won't ever fit into my lifestyle at the moment - a broke 24 year old part time college student who can't sleep, find time to read or exercise 30 minutes a day, or have the money to buy milk let alone fruits and vegetables. However, I am taking on this 21 day idea and trying to find away to give myself little boxes to fill. Drinking water instead of soda. Journaling at least on bi-weekly basis. Work on my house and finally get things unpacked (after 7 months) and things cleaned. Take time out after to work to meditate and reflect on where I'm at in life and where I want to be. Make plans for the future and figure out how to make them happen. Little things. I should at least be making baby steps right now.

Physically, right now, I'm hurting. It's another round of "what's going on with Bri on the inside?". My lower abdomen in hurting very badly. Having a cold-like thing and needing to cough, it hurts even worse. I'm waiting to find out my bits are slowly decaying. Dramatic, yes, but this has been what's up for the past seven years. I'm very much over it.

Now, almost 2 hours later, I'm going to try for the third time to get some sleep. I have to be at least somewhat rested for a Friday @ Panera if only because I know I have Saturday and Sunday off and I won't be wanting to do a damn thing at work. Being dead on my feet will only make things worse.

Because LJ Takes Forever

Wed, 07 Oct 2009 15:53:58 GMT

Pictures of Girl & Me - on wordpress because LJ likes to take 6 years to uplaod ONE phone let alone SIX.

Things are sort of okay at the moment. Maybe. I'll update hardcore tonight.

Love!!!

Posted via LiveJournal.app.