• 21:57 I'm worried that my girlfriend has finally lost her mind for real. :'( #

• 13:04 I hate my FB livefeed. The people are fucking shallow. I thought my friends were better than that. That aggravates me insanely. WTF ppl. #

I'm terrified. B's ex brother in law knows where she's working now, stalked her job a couple of times. He's hurt her before. He can kill her.

I can't lose her - she's my entire world.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

placed: US, Alabama, Jefferson, Birmingham, 15th Ave N, 3275

• 23:00 My food stuff for the past three days hasn't been that great, but it could be worse. The date and Friday were amazing. Cried -HARD- @ ITDOR. #
• 10:10 Slightly apprehensive abt weighing @ my mom's. Period water weight + PF Chang's may prove disastrous. #
• 10:13 Bought my first ever pay app last night: Taito's Bust-a-Move (!!!). OMG!SuperFun. #

I will forever and always get tripped up when someone who is well under the 250 mark, probably 225 +/-, and maybe under 200 gives out a waist size that is greater than my own. I've been tweaked out over that for a while, actually. I was just reading about a girl being 185-200, 5'8, and her waist was nearly 42". My waist is 39". Even if I'm 6" taller, I weigh a LOT more than 185. Either way, I suppose. I'll always feel like the biggest person in a room.

I think I dreamt that I was 5' wide and jiggly. :-/

I'm down 5# - 66# from my all time HW, 25# from my '09 HW. 95# to go. FUCK. When I hit the -51# (from 09HW), -82# (1/2 of total goal), -152# marks (less than 50# to go), I'll be happier. 26/16/86# to go respectively. I have to keep looking at the smaller numbers as they seem much more obtainable than looking at a big, scary 161. That seems impossible. 14# and I'll be back to my Canada weight (2006). Man, I just want back in my Canada jeans! I'm not saying I'll wear them, but I want to be able to slide into then once again. They're cute tho, and I looked banging.

Been walking around Southside this morning for about thirty. Feels lovely in this cold especially since the sun is still buning hot. I've really gotten into this mindset that I want to exercise.

I have a date tonight with Bex. Eep! ^_^

Work at 11 til 4. Not a bad shift really. I'm tempted to go in early, tho. I was supposed to be in at 8 until they called me. Meh. I'm bored. Maybe I'll go putter around the bookstore or something.

I think when I get my FinAid I'm going to buy a rename token. I'm thinking of having the name 'hmmpbr'. I like it and it seems almost kind of cool. LOL. It has meaning to it and it's easier to type than menthe_no9. I'm stilly minty fresh to death.

Fuck my life I can't wait to get my MacBook!!! 13" of pure magic. <3

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

Tags: update, weight, wtf
placed: US, Alabama, Jefferson, Birmingham, 17th St S, 1052

• 12:25 Joined the Lose 100 pounds! challenge tinyurl.com/ylj9yz7 #

Started a little weightloss challenge on DailyBurn to lose 100#. While my initial goal was 100 from when I started at my HW this year, I think I want to start from where I was at my 25th birthday (Monday). That would mean, after all is said and done, I'd be 161.1# lighter than I was 9.23.03 - the day my ED stuff became a demon that I couldn't fight anymore; a day my mind fragmented just a little bit more.

Your progress for this challenge:

(blank bar image my lj.app decided to fuck off over)

Still 100 lbs. to go. Step it up!

I've kind of gotten into the habit of using DailyBurn. Those blinking bars telling me about my intake of fat and calories and protein and carbs make me -want- to reach my goals. What annoys me the most, however, is that DB decided my goals for me. They don't seem right to me for some reason.

Recommended Nutrition Goals:
- between 2185 - 2435 calories.
- between 184 - 277 grams carbs.
- between 141 - 242 grams protein.
- between 44 - 77 grams fat.

Fat I've conquered. Carbs I'm conquerring. Their calorie intake seems way too high. I've been trying to stay under 1800 while getting at least 1200. Protein is a BITCH. Maybe it's because I'm not a big carnivore. I had ~58g yesterday. That's GREAT for me. I normally font even get that much. I'd rather do 50g fat, 60g protein, and the rest in carbs (abt 278). Meh. I don't like not reaching my goals.

I'm trying to 'recover' from all of my years dealing with binging, purging, laxitive abuse, heavy restricting, fasting, and self-hatred. I've been able to kick drugs for exactly 9mo today. I've all but kept myself from any serious self-mutilation. I want my body to be right too. 11 years+ is not my idea of fun.

So yeah... For a bit over a week I could pass a good bowel movement. I swelled up. I felt horrible. I gained 5# of SHIT. Finally, today, I could go. I feel so relieved.

I know I have shit to say but this gets tedious on my phone. Eep.

xxx

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

placed: US, Alabama, Jefferson, Birmingham, 32nd St N, 1488